I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
only you would photoshop your dick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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