i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
