Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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