google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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