Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
