***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
