the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
