I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
