I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
