in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
