He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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