Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
