I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
