He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
