He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
