she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
