The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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