i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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