I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
