does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
