We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
