Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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