k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
