Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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