So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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