i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
