bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
