Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
