i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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