Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
