yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
