clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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