my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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