I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
