Where did you get a picture of my penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
