Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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