My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
