youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
