you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
