i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
