He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
