I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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