i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
