Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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