I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
