I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
