It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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