So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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