Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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