I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
