she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
