I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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