I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Boobs speak an international language.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
