my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
