a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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